


The Captain's Table

by DarkestSight (Daylight)



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Crack, Drunkenness, Gen, Humor, RipFic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-03-24
Packaged: 2018-10-10 05:10:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10429857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daylight/pseuds/DarkestSight
Summary: Three captains have a few drinks and discuss important captain stuff, i.e., that time Sara and Snart thought it would be a great idea to get Rip drunk.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Beverage warning. Not to warn you that there is drinking in this fic, which there is, but to warn you that you may not want to be drinking while reading it.
> 
> Also OOCness due to obvious drunkenness.
> 
> Set in season 2 after Rip's return but with the additional return of Snart to the team.

“You know what I just realized?” Rip said waving a finger somewhat erratically in the air. “You know what I just realized?” Before he could continue he was distracted by the realization that the glass in front of him wasn’t empty. He picked it up and downed the rest of his brandy in order to remedy the situation.

Sara slowly dragged her head up from where it had been resting on the table, her long blond hair trailing across its surface. “What did you realize?” she asked tiredly.

“Yeah,” said Leonard, currently leaning his head against his hand, elbow propped up on the table, eyes half-lidded. “Don’t keep us in suspense.” 

“I just realized,” Rip continued, “that us three, the three of us...” He waved his empty glass around to indicate the three of them currently sitting around the table in the Waverider’s galley. “Us three, we’re all captains.” He looked quite pleased with himself for having noticed this fact, so pleased he grabbed the bottle of brandy and poured himself another glass as a reward.

“Great observational skills you’ve got there, Rip,” Snart said, sarcastically.

Sara made a face, and turning to Leonard, said, “Whose great idea was it to get him drunk?”

“Yours,” Snart replied as he refilled his own glass from a bottle of vodka, one of several bottles currently occupying the table, many of which were already empty.

Sara frowned but then her eyes widened as the memory came back to her. “Oh, yeah.”

“Hey.” Rip gave another wild wave of his finger. “I may be somewhat ine... inebri... drunk,” he admitted with some obvious difficulty, “somewhat, but guess what, so are you.” He gazed pointedly at the two of them and waggled his finger some more.

“I’m not drunk,” Sara protested. She reached over to grab the bottle of brandy but only succeeded in knocking it over.

The three captains watched as the bottle slowly rolled across the surface of the table, fell over the side, and shattered against the floor.

“Okay,” said Sara. “Maybe I’m a little drunk.”

Snart gave an amused snort. “A little?”

Scowling, Sara reached over and gave him a shove. 

The shove proved rather more powerful than either was expecting. Leonard’s eyes widened as he flailed about trying to keep himself from ending up on the floor. It took several seconds for him to regain his balance and even longer for him to regain any sense of dignity.

Sara put her hand over her mouth as she giggled. 

Rip, the man who almost never laughed, even let out a chuckle.

Snart glared at Sara.“I’ll get you for that, Lance.”

Smirking, Sara rested her elbows against the table and leaned towards him. “Oh, yeah?” she said, raising her eyebrows challengingly.

“Yeah,” said Leonard, leaning forward in turn. “I’ll do something, you know, evilish or something.”

“Not if I go all evilish first,” said Sara.

“Now, now,” Rip chastised, shaking his head at the two of them. “We agreed no killing.”

“What about maiming?” Sara asked, the wicked smirk still on her face, her eyes locked with Leonard’s.

“Only on special occasions,” Rip replied and took another drink. “Anyway, where was I? Oh, right. Captains.”

“To captains,” Sara declared, raising her glass.

“To captains,” Rip and Snart echoed as they clinked their glasses against hers.

They drank and then quickly poured themselves another round.

“So...” Rip began and then he paused frowning as he tried to regain the thread of his thoughts. “So,” he began again, “we three, we’re all captains. I’m captain of the Waverider. Sara’s captain of...”

“The Legends,” Sara filled in for him.

“The Legends,” Rip repeated nodding in agreement. “And you,” he turned to Snart, “you’re captain of... of... um... What are you captain of?”

Sara’s nose scrunched up as she pondered the question. “Captain of the cold?”

Leonard grimaced. “Makes me sound like I’m the captain of bad weather.”

“The captain of thieves?” Rip suggested.

“Please, no,” said Snart, quickly vetoing the idea. “That sounds much too like the prince of thieves and I do not want to be associated in anyway with Kevin Costner.”

“Captain of the rogues?” said Sara.

“Better but not exactly true anymore. How about this?” Snart pointed at Rip. “You’re captain of the Waverider.” He turned and pointed at Sara. “You’re captain of the Legends. And me?” A smug grin spread across his face. “I’m captain of everything else.”

Rip’s forehead furrowed. “That doesn’t make any sense.”

“Sure it does,” said Snart.

“To the captain of everything else,” said Sara, making another toast.

The men automatically reached over and touched their glasses with hers before having another drink.

“And as everything else includes booze, pass me the whiskey,” Snart said waving towards the collection of bottles.

Sara obligingly passed the bottle. “I thought you were drinking vodka.”

“I was,” said Snart as he filled his glass, “and now I’m drinking whiskey. I’d try the brandy but someone went and broke the bottle.”

Sara stuck her tongue out at him.

“Still don’t think being the captain of everything else makes any sense,” said Rip, sullenly, letting out a huff of air, “but fine, whatever. Technically speaking I’m the only official captain here anyway.”

“Yeah, says who?” Leonard demanded belligerently.

“The Time Masters,” Rip replied as if the answer was obvious.

Sara cocked her head to the side and gave him an unimpressed look. “So you’re officially a captain because of a corrupt organization that got itself blown up.” 

“That I blew up,” Snart corrected her.

“That Leonard blew up.”

“True,” Rip conceded, his head lolling forward slightly before he picked it up again with renewed resolve in his eyes. “But did either of you get a ceremony or a certificate saying you’re a captain? Do either of you have an official insignia pin?”

“You have an official insignia pin?” said Snart, incredulously.

“Of course, I do,” Rip insisted. “It’s...” He paused and frowned. “Gideon, where’s my insignia pin?” he asked, addressing the ceiling.

“Your insignia pin is in the drawer with your underwear,” the A.I. informed him.

“There you go,” said Rip, nodding at the others before taking another drink.

Sara raised her eyebrows. “You’re an official captain because you’ve got a captain’s insignia in your underwear drawer?” 

“Exactly,” said Rip, severely slurring the word. “I mean... what have you got?”

“Unlike you, the team’s love and respect,” Snart said, bluntly.

Rip immediately looked crestfallen, his whole face turning downward, tears welling up in his eyes.

“No, no. Don't listen to him.” Sara sent Snart a quick glare before turning back to Rip. “We love you.” She patted him on the shoulder comfortingly, as well as somewhat sloppily. “Of course, we all love you.”

“We just don’t respect you,” said Snart with a smirk.

Sara rolled her eyes.

Rip, however, mused on this a moment and then simply shrugged. “I’ll take what I can get.”

“Damn it!” Sara exclaimed suddenly slamming her fist against the table causing the bottles to rattle and making the other two jump. “Now I want a ceremony. I never got a ceremony to officially recognize me as captain.” Her eyes lit up. “Hey, lets have one.”

“Now?” Snart raised an eyebrow at her. “After you’ve been captain for how long?”

“Why not?” said Sara. “There’ll be lots of cake and booze and people can make speeches about how great I am. Rip can even make me an insignia pin and present it to me.”

Rip gave a snort. “I’m not making you an insignia pin."

Sara looked at him pleadingly, lips pouting.

Rip gazed up at the ceiling and sighed. “Fine,” he said. “You can have mine. I’m sure as hell not using it.”

“Awesome,” Sara said, grinning.

Leonard’s face scrunched up in a look of disgust. “After it’s spent who knows how long in his underwear drawer?”

Sara shrugged. “I don’t care.”

“Well, I don’t want a ceremony,” said Snart. “I earned my captaincy fair and square and I don’t need any dumb ceremony or pin to prove it.”

Sara scoffed. Reaching for the whiskey, she grabbed the bottle back from Leonard. “You’re only a captain because Cisco named you one.” She poured herself a glass, downed it in one go, and then poured herself another.

“Yeah,” said Snart. “I earned it by being an enemy of the Flash.”

“So basically, you owe everything to Barry,” Sara said with a wry smile.

“Yes,” said Leonard, nodding his head, and then his eyes widened and the nod quickly turned into a shake. “No. I meant no.” He groaned in embarrassment and put a hand over his face. “Please don't tell Allen I said that.”

“I promise nothing,” said Sara, a mischievous glint in her eye.

“Whatever.” Scowling, Snart grabbed a random bottle, refilled his glass for what was probably the tenth time, he'd long ago lost count, and quickly drank it. “Anyway,” he said, once he was done, “I’m still just as much a captain as old Beardy here.”

Rip made a face. “Old Beardy?”

“Well, so am I,” said Sara, sitting up straight and speaking with as much solemnity as she could manage while completely shitfaced.

“Fine.” Rip waved a hand in the air as he gave up on all his previous arguments. “We’re all captainy captains doing our captainy captain things very captainingly.”

Sara held up her glass. “To captains!”

“To captains,” said Snart.

“To captains,” said Rip.

And they clinked glasses once more.

“Hey, guys, what you doing?”

The three captains swung their heads around, and then were immediately forced to catch themselves as they almost fell out of their chairs.

Ray stood in the entrance of the galley gazing at them uncertainly. Nate and Amaya stood on either side of him. 

“My, that’s a lot of bottles,” Ray said as he took in the table’s contents.

“You guys having a party or something?” asked Nate.

Amaya gazed at the three drinkers critically, eyebrows raised. “Some sort of celebrating definitely seems to be going on.”

“We were just... um...” Rip cleared her throat and exchanged looks with the others.

“Having a bit of a drink,” said Sara, “and...”

“And talking about, you know,” Leonard continued for her, “stuff, important stuff...”

“Captain stuff!” Sara exclaimed a touch too loudly.

Rip snapped his fingers and pointed at her. “Exactly.”

Apparently satisfied with the answers they’d given, the three grinned and raised their glasses to each other in salute.

“Well, can we join you?” said Nate, taking a step towards them.

“Yeah,” said Ray, also moving in the direction of the table. “You seem to be having a pretty good time and there’s certainly plenty of booze.”

“No!” the captains cried in unison causing both men to immediately stop.

“Our booze.” Sara grabbed several bottles in a possessive manner.

Snart nodded. “Special captain booze.”

“Yes, special captain booze,” Rip agreed, his voice slurring worse than ever. “Made especially for captains because we’re all captains sitting here being captainy at our captain’s table.”

“Captain’s table!” Sara declared. “For captain’s only.”

“Captain’s only,” said Snart in agreement.

“Captain’s only,” echoed Rip.

Nate, Amaya, and Ray stared at them and then exchanged glances as if they were seriously starting to question their sanity.

“I think maybe it’s best if we just leave them to it,” said Amaya, looking somewhat wary, eyes flicking between her teammates and the exit.

Nodding, Nate slowly started backing away. “Right,” he said. “It’s probably best if we just go.” He gestured a hand towards the door. “And they can just go on doing whatever it is they’re doing.”

Ray gave a strained smile. “Have fun, guys,” he told the captains, waving goodbye.

And the three Legends quickly hurried out of the room.

The three left behind gazed smugly at each other.

“To captains,” they declared in unison and another round of drinks was downed.

“We should make it official,” said Rip, once they were done.

Sara’s eyebrows drew together in a frown. “Make what official?”

“The table,” Rip said patting the thing in question. “Official captain’s table.”

“We need a plaque,” Leonard pointed out. “Something all official looking.”

Warming to the idea, Sara nodded. “In bronze with ‘Captain’s Table’ on it.”

“And ‘Captain’s Only’ underneath,” Snart added.

“Perfect,” said Rip. He pointed a finger at the ceiling. “Gideon, make us that plaque.”

“Yes, Captain,” Gideon replied.

Rip patted the table some more. “This really is the perfect captain’s table, you know. Such a good table, nice and solid with a nice smooth surface.” He ran a hand across the top. “A real good table, real good...” 

As he spoke, his head sank lower and lower until it was resting on the tabletop. He closed his eyes, and within moments, was snoring softly.

Sara smiled fondly at him. “Aww.” Reaching over, she gently stroked a hand across his forehead. “Poor sleepy captain. Don’t you just want to wrap him up in a warm blanket and give him a kiss goodnight?”

Snart grimaced. “I’m not that drunk.”

“Well, too bad.” Sara got to her feet, swaying rather unsteadily a moment before she was able to regain her equilibrium. “Because you’re going to help me get him to bed.”

Snart let out a long, weary sigh. “Alright, but I'm only tucking him in. You’ll have to provide the goodnight kiss.”

Sara nodded. “Deal.”

Leonard got up as well, with only slightly less difficulty than Sara'd had, and they went over to Rip. 

As they took ahold of him, the former Time Master moaned, mumbling something sleepy and incoherent.

“Come on, Rip,” said Leonard. “Beddy-bye time.”

"Hmmggmmumbbmumg,” Rip replied.

“That’s right,” said Sara. “Time for bed.”

Together they hauled the half-asleep Rip Hunter to his feet and draped his arms over their shoulders. Rip sagged bonelessly between them providing no help whatsoever.

“At least, he’s light,” Sara observed as they wavered slightly trying to get in a good position without losing their own rather precarious balance.

“At least," Leonard agreed as he stumbled. "But next time," he gave her an annoyed glare over Rip's lolling head, "next time you think it’s such a great idea to get Rip drunk, I’m stealing all the booze and throwing it out the airlock.”

Sara just smiled at him, eyes gleaming impishly.

Keeping hold of their precious cargo, the two staggered out of the galley and down the ship’s corridors, dragging their fellow captain off to bed.


End file.
